Tag Archive | Love

No Spending, this Black Friday

In my household, there has been a long-standing tradition of sleeping at an early hour on Thanksgiving, in order to rise before dawn, the next day.  I am not fond of mall shopping, nor am I enthralled with the hustle and bustle of holiday shopping.  Yet, there is something to be said about snagging that “true bargain”, the day after Thanksgiving.

For years, I would spend the weeks leading up to this monumental shopping day, perusing the massive sales ads, which typically boast from 40-70 pages of “deals”.  I would create a spreadsheet with a wish list of products that I would like to purchase for each of my family members.  I’d note the price and location of each potential gift.  Then, I would research the most desirable time to visit each store, even mapping out the order that I would visit each place.

Now that Black Friday has become so competitive among retailers, many stores has opted to start opening their doors on Thanksgiving Day, as well.  After a failed attempt to check out the sales, one Thanksgiving evening, I made the executive decision that my household would not participate in shopping on a day when I feel my family should be the focus of my attention.  I would, however, take full advantage of the sales, starting with the wee hours of the next morning.

Fast forward to today.  In recent weeks, I developed my spreadsheet, and even though I was a bit disappointed by the sales that have been published this year, I was prepared to be a part of the mass hysteria that has become such a tradition for me.  Due to circumstances completely out of my control, but still so prevalent and personal in my life, I have made the decision to opt-out of shopping, this holiday weekend.

My heart aches due to the injustice that has recently been witnessed worldwide, as it goes on in my backyard.  I was born and raised in St. Louis, MO.  I spent eight years away from my hometown, but I returned, last year.  While I definitely do not condone, nor do I support any type of aggressive behavior, there is no time like the present, for me to take a stand.  I pay my taxes, I vote, I speak about what I believe.  I know that I have the right, as a consumer, not to support anything that I have lost respect for.  I can’t allow myself to enjoy partaking in a day (or weekend) that is truly about greed, gluttony, frivolous spending, and filling the pockets of those who don’t assist in or even support the development of our nation, our world, or humanity. It saddens me to think of the state that we are in, as a species, in 2014.  I will most certainly celebrate Thanksgiving day with my family, enjoying the company of my loved ones, but no shopping will take place, this weekend, at least not by my household.

Lord, please have mercy on us and continually order our steps, guiding us toward a world where we can not simply co-exist, but love and respect each other as you intended.  Amen.



Glutton for Punishment?

Here I go again…

I have been here before, yet this time is different. The tension is unreal. I have set these parameters, these boundaries, in my life; yet, I am my own worse enemy. I set myself up for disappointment by having these undeniable expectations, but you will never get me to admit that they exist. I claim to avoid any lofty expectations without facts to support them. In my experience, to expect is to open the door for disappointment. I am a self-defined eternal optimist, but I have lived and loved enough to know that it is not fair to my heart for me to allow myself to become enraptured in another’s aura, to the point that I lose sight of reality. Still, I sit in this sickly limbo, all by my lonesome. I’m over this bs…


Soul Ties

What does it mean to have a soul tie with someone? Is it possible to experience a soul tie to more than one person in a lifetime? I believe that God places people in our lives for different reasons, from our parents and children, to life-long, platonic friendships, to our significant others. Let’s focus on intimate relationships.

I have loved, yet I understand the spiritual concept of being unequally yoked with someone. This is the term that is applied to people who aren’t spiritually in sync with each other. I know how it feels to sense that you have a connection to someone and mistake it for the love that will last a lifetime. I want to feel the agape love that the Bible speaks of, that kind of unconditional love that one can only liken to the love that God has for us all. I look forward to connecting on a deeper level with a true life partner. I envision companionship that is full of gazes from across the room and long walks while holding hands, not only breakfast in bed, but meals in tropical locales. Smiling from within, while reminiscing about sleepless nights full of more love that was made. Creating family traditions to pass down to the generations to come.

Your eyes

I’m drawn in by your eyes.  We make contact, visually, then we look away.  Yours view mine, searching for my thoughts, inquisitively, yet they don’t provoke your mouth to speak.  They are so unnerving, giving me a sense of uncertainty that I am not familiar with.  How do I gain access to your mind?  I wonder.  Is the fantasy of you more enticing than reality?  Would we disappoint each other if we revealed our true selves, our innermost desires?  I can only hope for, yearn for what is seemingly unattainable.  Is that my fate?  To seek the unapproachable and want the fickle is screwing with my mind.  My heart desires unconditional, everlasting love, yet my mind is being tormented by a quest that remains unfulfilled.  This is uncharted territory.  I am uncomfortable with such strong, deep-seated desire.  In the pit of my stomach, I feel that all of this is very genuine and mutual, yet the future of my love life seems so unsure and bleak sometimes.  Your self-control is impossible to mimic, yet I find myself following your lead.  Look, but don’t speak.  Stare from afar, but remain impenetrable up close.  Making a connection via deafening silence.  This entire situation is an oxymoron of sorts.  Eyes screaming words and emitting sounds that mouths don’t reveal.  This is a recipe for self-combustion, for sure.


Desire (Insightful ramblings)

I have been feeling rather desirable, lately, for no earthly reason.

One of the most desirable characteristics that I appreciate in others is ambition.  Who knew that my recent embarkment on a journey of empowering myself to become the best version of “me” through simply making wiser choices – in life, love, health, fitness, and overall wellbeing would make me feel so desirable?  Who knew that entering my mid-thirties would give me a heightened sense of self-awareness and enhance my perspective?

I still love hard, but I refuse to be a sucker for love.  I will always be the eternal optimist, but never again will I be naïve or gullible.  Life has struck me hard over time, yet I have given the final TKO.  My children may say “Wow, momma, really?” when I break into song and dance, on a whim.  I’m just making my greatest attempt at living life to the fullest.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m open to whatever is just around the bend.  My desire is to have whatever God has for me.  Yes, it sounds cliché and easy to type, yet how many of us live it?  I’ve had a go of it on my own, to no avail.  I’m referring to life.  I’m all about living the most purposeful life, now.  Leave me to my own devices, full of lustful pleasures and gluttony, and I’ll end up back at square one.  True story.  Life just tastes sweeter now, and I’m so very thankful for the ability to enjoy it.