I’m drawn in by your eyes. We make contact, visually, then we look away. Yours view mine, searching for my thoughts, inquisitively, yet they don’t provoke your mouth to speak. They are so unnerving, giving me a sense of uncertainty that I am not familiar with. How do I gain access to your mind? I wonder. Is the fantasy of you more enticing than reality? Would we disappoint each other if we revealed our true selves, our innermost desires? I can only hope for, yearn for what is seemingly unattainable. Is that my fate? To seek the unapproachable and want the fickle is screwing with my mind. My heart desires unconditional, everlasting love, yet my mind is being tormented by a quest that remains unfulfilled. This is uncharted territory. I am uncomfortable with such strong, deep-seated desire. In the pit of my stomach, I feel that all of this is very genuine and mutual, yet the future of my love life seems so unsure and bleak sometimes. Your self-control is impossible to mimic, yet I find myself following your lead. Look, but don’t speak. Stare from afar, but remain impenetrable up close. Making a connection via deafening silence. This entire situation is an oxymoron of sorts. Eyes screaming words and emitting sounds that mouths don’t reveal. This is a recipe for self-combustion, for sure.
I have been feeling rather desirable, lately, for no earthly reason.
One of the most desirable characteristics that I appreciate in others is ambition. Who knew that my recent embarkment on a journey of empowering myself to become the best version of “me” through simply making wiser choices – in life, love, health, fitness, and overall wellbeing would make me feel so desirable? Who knew that entering my mid-thirties would give me a heightened sense of self-awareness and enhance my perspective?
I still love hard, but I refuse to be a sucker for love. I will always be the eternal optimist, but never again will I be naïve or gullible. Life has struck me hard over time, yet I have given the final TKO. My children may say “Wow, momma, really?” when I break into song and dance, on a whim. I’m just making my greatest attempt at living life to the fullest.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I’m open to whatever is just around the bend. My desire is to have whatever God has for me. Yes, it sounds cliché and easy to type, yet how many of us live it? I’ve had a go of it on my own, to no avail. I’m referring to life. I’m all about living the most purposeful life, now. Leave me to my own devices, full of lustful pleasures and gluttony, and I’ll end up back at square one. True story. Life just tastes sweeter now, and I’m so very thankful for the ability to enjoy it.