…or hopelessly a fool for love?
I often wonder if I am blessed to be the eternal optimist, to seek the light at the end of a neverending tunnel; or, if I am cursed to be foolish enough to still believe that one even exists.
My life’s twists and bends would cause the most sane to lose control; yet, I still dream of unattainable love and am constantly flooded with emotions – those of hope and warmth and euphoric desires. When I am knocked down by the blinding, deafening blow of a self-scorned lover’s words or conned out of the dream of a lasting marriage, I still seek higher, more stable ground. Somehow, some way, by the grace of God, I find my footing, pick up the pieces of emotional baggage that are left behind, and I continue on my personal journey to greater, grander, sweeter moments. Could I be my own worst enemy? Maybe this perpetual state of looking on the brighter side of the situation, rather than addressing the darkness that is in front of me…maybe that is my problem.
See, when I am down, I feel like my heart is betraying me. My mind and body feel the effects of unrequited love, yet my heart always finds solace in the joyful adornment of agape love that is just beyond my reach. Be still, my naive heart. Why are you always so sure that I’ll recover? Surely, I won’t be left unscathed. I mean, my mind often feels tormented, constantly mulling over the details of the demise of yet another relationship or “situation”. My body reveals the contents of my mind, when I walk around with no energy or wherewithal, due to persistent insomnia and bottled up emotions. Yet my heart, it’s truly the most resilient part of me. When others mention how strong I am, I know that my heart is what keeps me together, what pulls me out of whatever funk I’m currently in.