Seulement (excerpts from personal diary entry)

12 OCTOBER 2014, 09:22 AM

Being alone is an art that I have never perfected. I have been alone, in the physical sense, off and on, throughout my entire life. My life is full of hustle and bustle and sometimes chaos, yet I sit in solitude, and not the desirable kind…I don’t have any more energy within me, there is nothing left to take from my emotional stores. I’m still attempting to recover from the trauma of my past experiences. I can only give what I have an excess of, which is why I possess a love for humanity, and humanity alone. It is the love that God has given me, full of compassion, empathy, and grace…Sometimes, I feel so ready for the agape love that the Bible speaks of, yet other times, I wallow in my emptiness and feel as if I will live my life as an old spinster, never experiencing true companionship and the act of becoming one with a man, not even once. What a sad thought. I’ve got to get it together. God, please help me get it together. I beseech you. I need you to fill this void in my heart, in my soul. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Forgive me for my unappreciation. I feel like I’m being ungrateful to You. I know I’m unworthy, yet You love me, still. Thank You

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