My thoughts, my prison? (personal diary entry)

05 OCTOBER 2014, 09:11 PM

Am I a prisoner of my thoughts, my lonely mind? I sit in solitude, a captive of my thoughts. Longing for companionship, love from a man, to be desired, adored. This is my ultimate desire. I yearn for it, i beg for it. I pray for it. I close my eyes and dream of love lost, deceptive love, unrequited love, unreciprocated love. When will these thoughts, these visions, these memories be replaced with fulfilled love, satisfying, earth-shattering love, lifelong love? When will my heart stop crying? When will my time to love and be loved arrive? When? Why am I so solemn, at times? I don’t want to be sad or somber. I don’t want to feel pain inside. I want my heart to burst with joy and sing a sweet song, not sulk and mourn love lost. I have perfected the art of smiling and feigning happiness. I have it down to a science. I want to smile from the inside, for once. I feel like a butterfly who has yet to fly. I want to fly…

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