Archive | October 2014

I Believe

I believe in long gazes from across the room.
I believe in hugs that take your breath away.
I believe in kisses that are so full of never-ending passion, hope, and sweet dreams, realized.
I believe in soulmates. Not the love-at-first-sight kind, but the match-made-in-heaven kind.
I believe in romance. Not the fairytale kind, but the kind that arises when attention to personal details is displayed.
I believe in mentally stimulating conversation, with intermittent, gut-busting laughter sandwiched in-between it.
I believe in companionship that is only second to one’s relationship with God.
I believe in love.

Nita

Heartguard (personal diary entry)

21 OCTOBER 2014, 06:21 AM

I don’t currently have any pets. The heart that needs to be guarded most is my own. I am typically an open book, yet I have found a way to shield my heart just enough to not make a complete fool of myself. I make indirect and not-so-indirect comments, from time to time, but you still don’t know the depths of my heart.

I will share bits and pieces, clusters of my thoughts and desires, but I will not, I cannot share the rest. My longing runs deep and wide, so I hover amidst my shallow thoughts and feelings, in order to prevent myself from drowning. It is tortuous, to say the least. There are so many complexities and differing variables that I get dizzy, at times.

Guard my heart, Lord, so I can retain an ounce of sanity. Guard my heart, before I dive into this abyss of l…

Nita

So I write (excerpt from personal diary entry)

06 OCTOBER 2014, 10:06 PM

I think, so I write. I breathe, so I write. I am, so I write. I feel, so I write. It is no accident that this diary app has a daily reminder. I need to start releasing on a daily basis. I don’t want to, I NEED TO. My mind and heart need to be cleared of all clutter, any negative thoughts, all hopes and dreams, every emotional piece of baggage that my soul dares to attempt to transport over to the next day must be purged, each night…

Diary Central

I have decided to start posting some of my diary entries, whenever I feel inclined to do so. This blog has been a means for me to express myself to the universe, while my diary is my personal purge of all emotions and deep-rooted desires. From time to time, I will share a diary entry.

As a Christian, I have been taught to share my testimony, an account of where I’ve been (emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually) and where God has taken me. I would like to start opening up and sharing more of my inner thoughts. If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that I’m all about full disclosure.

Let the disclosure of my soul begin.

Nita

Seulement (excerpts from personal diary entry)

12 OCTOBER 2014, 09:22 AM

Being alone is an art that I have never perfected. I have been alone, in the physical sense, off and on, throughout my entire life. My life is full of hustle and bustle and sometimes chaos, yet I sit in solitude, and not the desirable kind…I don’t have any more energy within me, there is nothing left to take from my emotional stores. I’m still attempting to recover from the trauma of my past experiences. I can only give what I have an excess of, which is why I possess a love for humanity, and humanity alone. It is the love that God has given me, full of compassion, empathy, and grace…Sometimes, I feel so ready for the agape love that the Bible speaks of, yet other times, I wallow in my emptiness and feel as if I will live my life as an old spinster, never experiencing true companionship and the act of becoming one with a man, not even once. What a sad thought. I’ve got to get it together. God, please help me get it together. I beseech you. I need you to fill this void in my heart, in my soul. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Forgive me for my unappreciation. I feel like I’m being ungrateful to You. I know I’m unworthy, yet You love me, still. Thank You