Archive | January 2013

Patience is a Virtue

As I enter another year, God willing, I have been reminded that patience is a virtue.

I have always been an impatient person.  As a child, whenever I tried to rush things along, my father would simply say, “Remember, patience is a virtue.”  That statement frustrated me to no end!  As a mother, I have become quite patient in most situations with my children, with the operative word being most.  I used to be such an impatient driver, but having children in the car with me has nipped that in the bud, and rightfully so.

In relationships, I have been impatient with love.  When I love a man, my love knows no limits.  It is far-reaching, constant, and unconditional.  I can’t turn it on and off; however, I have mentioned that I can stow it away in a box, when necessary.  Here I am, “in my feelings”, as my love interest would say, and I’m finding myself at a loss for words.  Simply put – I’m feeling so very impatient, at the present time.  When I love, I want to proclaim it.

Yet, here I am, being reminded that patience is a virtue.  Lord, bless me with the wisdom to know how to hold my peace, bridle my tongue, and sit tight while You bless me.

Nita

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Why are you running?

I am fully aware of how strong and powerful my love is.  It is rich and complex, yet warm and nurturing.  It longs to comfort you.  It begs to surround you.  It only wants to live within you.  So why are you running from my love?

Does it intimidate you?  Does it scare you?  Lord knows that isn’t my intent.  My love simply is.  I just let it be.  I have hidden my love for so many years, that it is refreshing to allow it to speak freely.  Yes, my love has a voice, and it wants to be heard now.  As much as I attempt to mask it, there is no mistaking it.  Is my love’s scream deafening?  Is it hard to comprehend?

Let me decipher it for you.

When I see your name pop up on my phone, my heart skips a beat.  I literally lose my breath, momentarily.  A smile crosses my face, just by the sound of your voice.  Throughout our conversations, I forget about all of my troubles.  There is only me and you.  At the end of our conversations, I must force myself not to express how I feel.  It is always so hard to simply say, ‘bye.’  During my day, I find myself thinking about you, constantly.  I wonder how you are doing, if you are having a good day, whether you are thinking of me, when I will talk to you again.  I daydream about the future that we can have.  The future I want to have – with you.

I understand how hard it is to have so much distance between us.  It is so hard!  Wanting to be in your arms, in any setting, is what I desire.  It is what I need.  For lack of a better phrase, I truly want to be where you are.  To take a page from Sanaa Lathan’s role in Love and Basketball, I have loved you since I was twenty.  The s**t won’t go away.  I have prayed for the feeling to leave me, but it remains.  I have tried my hardest to love another, but that didn’t work, either.  I have lied to myself for far too long, my love.  Deep within my heart, I am certain of one thing – you are the love of my life.  Hands down.  I don’t know how to process this feeling.  I am finally over my denial.  My feelings have been awakened, and I have never been more sure of anything.

I believe that it has been for the best that we haven’t been able to interact in person, recently.  We have been able to get to know each other again, address some concerns, and just be friends.  We have been able to rely on our conversations alone, as a means of communicating, rather than our bodies.  As it stands right now, I don’t know how you feel about me.  I would like to think that I have a good idea, but that is pure speculation.  I don’t want to make any assumptions.  Please don’t run from my love.  I know it can be overwhelming, but it is yours to have and to hold, honey.  Just embrace the love that I possess, and embark on this journey with me.

Yours